This is not a confession by any stretch but more of a story about my cousin Marsha who died back in 2005 at 28 years old. She died 5 days after my 18th birthday and I was devastated. I was adopted by my aunt Clare when I was six and mostly raised by Marsha. Aunt Clare developed MS shortly after I moved in which left Marsha not only caring for me but her mother and she was only 16. She dropped out of high school and spent the rest of her short life slaving over her mother and me. We existed on my aunts SS, welfare and food stamps. The house was in ill repair most of the time but kept neat and clean by her.

Before I get into my existence with Marsha I have to mention that at no time did I ever have sex with her and never once ever saw her undressed. She was a heavy set girl and honestly not pretty although I loved her dearly. It was my nudity around her that was out of ordinary. It didn’t occur to me until I was in my middle to late teens that Marsha had a strong desire to see me naked. At 6 years old I had no inhibitions of being naked around her. Over the years up until she died I still had none. I believe now she purposely made me feel comfortable naked. I can’t remember how old I was but it seems like from a very young age I always slept naked by her encouragement, and still do today. She bathed me for many years and when I reached puberty is the one who got me to begin masturbating. When I think back now she enjoyed watching me. The last time I remember her watching was a month or so before she died and I was 17 then. I was never embarrassed by her seeing me naked and had no humiliation when she saw me masturbate. I was so accustom to my nudity around her I had no scruples about it. The only time I ever complained was the times when her friend Teresa would be there when she was giving me a bath. It went on for quite awhile but I think I was 9 or 10 when I told Marsha it embarrassed me. After that Marsha never let Teresa see me naked again.

What’s strange is that Marsha continued giving me baths and I really don’t remember the first time I got a hard on. I mainly recall how it would happen when she washed my genitals and she would only say I was growing up using the word erection. That’s when she began explain sex to me which I already knew some stuff from other kids. After months of me getting erections she asked me if it felt good when she washed me there. That night she bluntly told me it was ok if I wanted to masturbate and basically told me how. That was the first time I jerked off in front of her. Shortly after that night was last time she washed me and I began taking showers. Even then she came in often while I showered and would encourage me to masturbate telling me there’s nothing wrong with it. She even insisted it was good for me to do it. Not once did I ever have any regret or embarrassment around Marsha. It was plain to see that she enjoyed watching me jerk off and always liked seeing me nude.

I loved Marsha and as much as I recall all the nudity around her and my masturbation in front of her, it was a lot of other things also. She cooked cleaned, helped me with school work and did everything to make me happy and healthy. She would spend her last dollar for me to get a treat and take me out whenever she could afford to. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and died 11 months later. Her mom went into a nursing home, also died in 2009 and I lived with my grandmother until I was 22. I’m 33 now, married with 1 daughter and still think about Marsha often. I tell my wife stories about Marsha and some of it I think my wife don’t believe me. I think it true that Marsha groomed and manipulated me into the comfort of my nudity around her. I’m no where near that now but I still sleep naked every night.