This is a confession to a woman who has since passed on, but has continued to haunt me from my childhood.
I had know Mary Lou all of my life. For a long time she was my mothers best friend and the mother of my early childhood best friend.
For some reason, still totally unclear to me, she would become a,sexual obsession to me that has haunted me right up until tonight. For this is the night I finally bid a farewell to her.
I have been jacking off for Mary Lou since I was about 8 9r 9 or even younger.
All the way through school and into my adulthood I have lusted after her. I have spent many days and nights with a picture of her in one hand and my dick in the other. I have began showers with a picture in my mind of her on top of me, underneath me and in about every other position that you could concive. I have had sex with her in mind and in my dreams for over 40 years and now I realize, for my own reasons, it is finally time to let it go and move on with my life. And to fully devote my attention to my wife who has struggled and suffered through my affliction. I have long carried guilt because I didn’t tell Mary Lou that I wanted to fuck endlessly for hours upon hours. I have conversely carried guilt because I have fantasized, daydreamed and dreamed of fucking Mary Lou over and over. I have used the recesses of my mind to keep the thoughts and desires alive and active. But now it is time for me to say good bye and good riddance and only hope that I can at last let it go and move beyond the desires of youth and never let them in my mind again.
So this confession is to myself and to Mary Lou. Only because it was the first place I came to that would allow me to finally release my demons, hopefully forever.
So if you are reading this Mary Lou. And I’m sure you are, this is to inform you tolerate me alone and never return. You have done what you set out to do when you silently and seductively seduced me not physically but mentally as grew up. You are no longer a need. I have the love of my life and for the last 28 years you have been an, as I realized today, unneeded and intrusive part that is not to be continued. So please hear my plea and leave me alone after this one last time. The one Lat time that I must carry out. One final time before you become a distant and gone piece. All I can do after tonight is ask you to leave us alone and not intrude any longer. I will it speak of you if you will leave s alone and let us get on with our lives.
Thank you for the me,oriels, but it’s time to end the reruns and get sat and beyond your reach. Please don’t invade my mind in deep sleep any longer and cause harm to marriage. You have served out the term and now it must stop. Please,let it stop. After tonight I no longer want to feel you climb on me and drive me to the brink of failure. I no longer want to carry all the guilt and baggage that your memory brings.
This is my farewell to you Mary Lou. Thanks but thanks no more you are no longer welcome after tonight.
RIP I owe you that much.